2008 Woodie Awards
The party is on: AGS says BYOB
By The Ma-sterpiece
Issue date: 4/4/07 Section: Singal
Representatives from the Superflous Governmental Association (SGA) met to plan their annual Get Wasted beach house party. SGA executive president Eri... er... Christine Ballin expressed confidence that the event, to be held on May 25 in her beach house, would be "beyond sweet." Other business included changing the organization's name to the Association for the Governance of Students.
The newly-formed Committee for the Planning and Execution of Sweet Parties (CPESP) presented its vision to an initially skeptical Executive Board. The head of the committee, Stevie Violin, proposed that his colleague, D-Becks, bring all the beer, drawing strong objection.
"(CPESP) has clearly shown a lack of judgment in selecting me as the sole provider of beer," D-Becks said. "I think we should reward our colleague Stevie, who as we all know recently celebrated his 21st birthday, by allowing him to provide all of the beer."
D-Becks was of course citing Violin's Big Birthday Bash, which took place on the ides of March and ultimately resulted in Violin passing out during every SGA meeting for the rest of the month.
Violin, prepared for D-Becks' argument, immediately outlined his lack of funds and argued that the impressive trunk space of D-Becks' new Hummer would be more conducive to the transportation of large amounts of delicious beer.
Ballin, ever the voice of reason in these meetings, proposed a motion to motion to put the matter to a vote.
"This issue is too important for only two representatives to decide," she said. "I would like to hear the thoughts of the entire senate on this crucial event."
"I second," Tom Consumer Purchases, newly elected senator of hangovers, said. "I'm super bored."
The senate voted to approve the motion to motion to vote 12-11-2, with senators D-Becks and Violin abstaining.
The senate then discussed what they would actually vote on, after having decided to vote.
"What were we doing?" asked Ballin.
Purchases, refreshed from a 15-minute nap during voting on the motion, proposed that D-Becks and Violin split the cost of the beer, drawing gasps from around the room.
"I just want to get drunk," Consumer Purchases said, a statement which calmed the crowd.
Ballin, regaining her sense of her surroundings, proposed a motion to vote on Purchases' proposal.
The motion was seconded by Purchases and approved 23-22-2, with senators D-Becks and Violin again abstaining.
The tense meeting lasted four hours. Other business on the day included the decision to change the name of the organization to AGS.
Ballin explained the change in a post-keg-stand interview.
"Because fuck that name," she said. "That's why."
The newly-formed Committee for the Planning and Execution of Sweet Parties (CPESP) presented its vision to an initially skeptical Executive Board. The head of the committee, Stevie Violin, proposed that his colleague, D-Becks, bring all the beer, drawing strong objection.
"(CPESP) has clearly shown a lack of judgment in selecting me as the sole provider of beer," D-Becks said. "I think we should reward our colleague Stevie, who as we all know recently celebrated his 21st birthday, by allowing him to provide all of the beer."
D-Becks was of course citing Violin's Big Birthday Bash, which took place on the ides of March and ultimately resulted in Violin passing out during every SGA meeting for the rest of the month.
Violin, prepared for D-Becks' argument, immediately outlined his lack of funds and argued that the impressive trunk space of D-Becks' new Hummer would be more conducive to the transportation of large amounts of delicious beer.
Ballin, ever the voice of reason in these meetings, proposed a motion to motion to put the matter to a vote.
"This issue is too important for only two representatives to decide," she said. "I would like to hear the thoughts of the entire senate on this crucial event."
"I second," Tom Consumer Purchases, newly elected senator of hangovers, said. "I'm super bored."
The senate voted to approve the motion to motion to vote 12-11-2, with senators D-Becks and Violin abstaining.
The senate then discussed what they would actually vote on, after having decided to vote.
"What were we doing?" asked Ballin.
Purchases, refreshed from a 15-minute nap during voting on the motion, proposed that D-Becks and Violin split the cost of the beer, drawing gasps from around the room.
"I just want to get drunk," Consumer Purchases said, a statement which calmed the crowd.
Ballin, regaining her sense of her surroundings, proposed a motion to vote on Purchases' proposal.
The motion was seconded by Purchases and approved 23-22-2, with senators D-Becks and Violin again abstaining.
The tense meeting lasted four hours. Other business on the day included the decision to change the name of the organization to AGS.
Ballin explained the change in a post-keg-stand interview.
"Because fuck that name," she said. "That's why."
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