2008 Woodie Awards
Sodexhoe saved by epic student rally
By Some Bitch
Issue date: 4/4/07 Section: Singal
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Upon learning that Sodexhoe's contract with the College is ending this year, students became uncharacteristically impassioned and rallied. They marched from Eickhoff to Loser in the longest student protest in College history (an impressive five minutes).
Stovie led the tidal wave of fury. According to eyewitness reports, Huggins pumped his fist in the air and shouted "Hell no, Sodexhoe won't go!" as the crowd marched.
"We were all like, 'Yeah man, you're totally right,'" Athlete Jock, junior exercise and gender studies major, said.
"There was so much passion, so much fury," Sorority Girl, senior making the world a better place major, said. "I would say there was mad fury."
The Singal was able to get a precise reading of just how much passion and/or fury was actually present at the rally using high-tech emoto-electron reading equipment. According to our readings, there was indeed "mad" passion and/or fury present.
When the protest reached Loser, students and Stovie hurled globs of shortening - er, vegetable extract - at the windows and doors of the building.
The fatty pelting ceased when the Git emerged on the roof of Loser.
According to eyewitness testimony, the crowd fell silent at the sight of the Git, their goopy projectiles dripping between their fingers and onto their shoes.
The Git raised her arms in what this reporter will confidently deem a gesture of peace and solidarity. "Whatever, whatever," she said. "I do what I want."
The crowd murmured and, suffering a characteristic lack of interest, went back to class.
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