2008 Woodie Awards
SENIOR WEEK IS ON
Senior Class Council restores Senior Week, ends global warming
By The Muffin Man
Issue date: 4/4/07 Section: Singal
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Every single member of the senior class with the exception of one registered for the event, gladly forking over $1.99 for three days of sweet awesomeness.
After jostling over the alcohol policy throughout the year, the administration softened its stance. Drinking will not only be allowed in T/W, but encouraged: There will be an open bar in the main lounge.
The bar will be open whenever seniors are staying in the dorms. Since the contracts of student employees expire before Senior Week starts, bartending duties will be handled by various members of the administration. Sorefeet and the Git were the first to sign up.
"Before I came to the College I was an awesome bartender," the Git said as she juggled three bottles of rum and doled out a Rum and Coke.
"We felt the Class of 2007 was really getting screwed over," Sorefeet said. "It was about a week or two after we canceled Senior Week that I realized these seniors will never donate a penny to this school. So I decided to go all out and give them what they really want."
Senior Class Council spokesman Baby Alfonso took full credit for restoring Senior Week, although he was the one person who did not sign up.
"I had full confidence that this would work out in the end," Alfonso said. "You people at The Singal kept bashing me and my efforts, but look at me now: I'm the savior of the senior class. Bow down to me. Now."
Sorefeet was perplexed by Alfonso's statement, saying he had never heard of Alfonso before. Even after looking at pictures, Sorefeet could not identify Alfonso.
"I've never seen this guy in my life," he said.
This year's festivities will include free hookers in T/W (although tipping is recommended), a beer pong tournament and a Vegas-themed night - in Vegas.
Thanks to the efforts of Alfonso, the senior class will make daily trips to Katmandu with a variety of exciting themes, highlighted by Sodexhoe Night, featuring catering by the Stove Huggins crew and the beats of DJ Larry.
The week will culminate in a mass drunken orgy at the commencement ceremony on May 18.
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